So, I've got a problem.

[Mike]

A very good friend of mine stopped talking to me.

I've known her online for just about 3 years. I live in NJ and she lives in Mississippi but grew up in New Orleans. She's had a ridiculously hard life for someone who's only 27. She was abused as a kid, she was raped when she was a teenager. She was engaged once, but the guy left her for someone he met on World of Warcraft. That was about 2 weeks before we started talking. We were really good friends, she had a boyfriend at the time. A few years back her mother died after a long battle with cancer.

She was diagnosed with uterine cancer. She got radiation and it seemed to be in remission, but it came back a few months later. She had a hystectomy a year ago. Then she had a mass in her neck, she had to have surgery, chemo, and radiation. It was going really well and then changed to only radiation. I was going to go down to New Orleans a few weeks ago and see her, but then she got into a pretty bad car accident and broke a couple ribs. A week after that, she found out that the radiation isn't working, and she would have to go back on chemo.  I changed my plane ticket for November. The past few weeks she's been really depressed, and says that she feels really bad always dumping her issues on me.

This weekend, she went to a Halloween party. Someone put something into her drink and she was raped. She didn't want to report it to authorities because she didn't think they would believe her. Then she kept telling me that she didn't want to keep dragging me through her shit. That I shouldn't have someone who is a project, and then I would be better off forgetting if she ever existed. She said I already gave up on her, I can call her or text her and she won't answer.

I honestly don't know what I should do.

[Professor Vogler]

It's the lowest feeling in the world dude, it really is. I've been in similar (although not nearly as bad) with online acquaintances.

I'd try to give more personable advice, but I don't feel that asking for it here is the best way to go... unless the people who laugh at anything even slightly resembling a relationship "on the Internet" have finally left this community for more fruitful turf. (Maybe we can chat over AIM?)


The cruel response is basically: there's nothing you should do because it's not your problem and you shouldn't know this person. Like the famous line from Chinatown "Forget about it. It's the Internet."

The more humane thing to do is to keep trying to contact your friend. Let her know that at least one person still cares, and maybe when you finally get through you can walk her through doing the right thing and reporting the incident (not to mention going to a doctor).

It's a goddamn shame that things like this occur because of the Internet. I'm not implying what happened to your friend isn't horrible, but I think the position you're in right now, Mike, is pretty terrible. You have my sympathy.

[Brooklyn Luckfield]

Holy shit Mike. You have my sympathy.

Sadly stuff like this happens all to much on the interwebz and in real life. Just keep trying to help your friend.

Reading that made me depressed X_X.

[Mike]

I actually have a suspicion that something is fishy, because of how suddenly she pushed me out. I sent a message to one of her friends on facebook, and he said he had been in touch with her cousin all day and she just got out of surgery. (what the hell...makes absolutely no sense to me.)

[The Final Negotiator]

Mike,

You have my sympathy as well. You are one tough hombre, and a great friend to that young woman in Mississippi.

I was in total shock reading what she has been through, and then to read that she was attacked again. I nearly fell out of my chair. That's some sick dude, to do such a thing to a girl that has been through so much pain. I'm sure some bad karma is headed his way...

I actually have a suspicion that something is fishy, because of how suddenly she pushed me out. I sent a message to one of her friends on facebook, and he said he had been in touch with her cousin all day and she just got out of surgery. (what the hell...makes absolutely no sense to me.)

I think this goes along with her beliefs/comments that she shouldn't be dragging you through her problems, even though you've already told her that you've rather keep in touch, and deal with all the issues, than stand there idly and do nothing. I think she tried to push you away before this latest incident hit, to spare you from having to deal with it.

Yeah, I'm in agreement with the Professor and Graham, keep trying to contact her. She's just in a low place right now with all that's happened, and doesn't feel like talking/typing, but she may still feel like listening. She just may be taking a little break to sort some things out on her own. I believe she'll be back in touch sooner than later. You should also take breaks every now and again, just so that you can keep your mind sharp, since you're helping her navigate these rough seas. Hang in there, Mike...


Also, Graham, it is depressing to read all that has happened to this young woman, and all the issues that Mike and her family and friends have had to help her through. However, the fact that Mike and her family and friends are making a difference in her life (like reinforcements fighting alongside a wounded soldier) should give you hope. Yeah, bad things still happen, and yeah there are still many bad people in the world, but there are still many good people around, and we ARE a powerful force, too...

[Mike]

OK, update. mostly good news. Also, I was drinking yesterday when I wrote that.

The last thing she said to me last night was, basically, "Go to bed and live your perfect life, you'll be happier if you forget I ever existed."

I absolutely freaked out. I sent a message to a friend of hers on Facebook saying that I was really worried. He then called another friend of hers, my friend babysits her kid. This friend basically kept her from overdosing on pills.

Today, my friend was incredibly angry at me for going behind her back. Again, pushing me away, eventually though she was able to calm down. I really don't know what to say, though. On the one hand, I do still like her. On the other hand, she lives a thousand miles away. I can't commit to someone that far away who I've never even met face to face. And I know this probably makes me sound like a terrible person, but I don't know if I can commit to someone who might live 40 more years or less than one.

[Char Aznable]

Mike,

I agree with Evan (because I read his response first). Keep talking to her. I've had similar encounters. Some fishy, others not...*has to pause for a bit as memories bring tears*

...The best you can do is keep trying. In one case, I even had my friends contacting in case it was my number being dodged specifically. I'm paranoid...and ironically, that song is playing right now on Pandora on my Alice Cooper station. Now, there's no telling that you'll never meet this person face to face. One of my best friends is an ex of mine that I met online and now lives in the same town as me (I've mentioned her before in a few threads). Now I know, "But she's an ex now." We're better friends than a couple.

But don't give up. Don't stop talking. If it's fishy, than go fishing and dig up the truth. If you find it's not...DON'T GIVE UP! I don't want anyone to have done to them what has been done to me...even though I never gave up...

Dammit. I depressed myself, and I could hit backspace, but I always type what I think...a trait that people usually like about my style...and hit submit.

[R. Daniel 01]

and hit submit.

It's good.


Think of it this way, would you ever forgive yourself if you did give up now? Sounds like a no.

[Mike]

My friend is doing a little better but she's still really depressed. She's going to check into an inpatient 15 day program. Her therapist suggested it, and she really got pissed off because she didn't want to be locked up but I was able to convince her that it really is for the best.

[Char Aznable]

Good news to hear, Mike. Hope it works for her.

[Mike]

A friend of hers has been keeping me informed. Apparently, she's in a much better mindset already after only 3 days. AND, today they found the guy who smashed into her car and ran. So good news all around.

[Char Aznable]

MIKE HAS 666 POSTS! As of this moment in time, lol.

Wanted to point it out. Mike's up-note (while very good) also says it's his 666th post. I'm amused.